So many mixed feelings flying around my head and heart today. Where to start? Probably at the beginning. This morning as I was getting ready to go to class, I got a phone call from my sister. She just discovered that she got into the doctoral program at Cincinnati. I'm so happy for her! It's only one of the several schools that she applied to, but it's a first step. She also got recommended for an assistantship, which would mean that she would get full tuition and an $8,000 stipend. It's awesome.
Also, I got an e-mail from my pastor about our mission trip for the summer. I'm signed up to go at this point, even if I get rejected for a job with the same organization. I really love the program and everything, but I'm not sure I could handle going for a week if I get rejected for the job. Also, one of my close friends from home got accepted to work for the program. I'm really happy for her and I know that she's going to do an AWESOME job, but I'm also a little nervous that I won't get a job. And, while I'm really glad that she got the job, I also really hope that I get one. I don't WANT to have hard feelings about it, and I'm going to work at not being jealous, but it's kind of hard. This is all speculative, however, because I don't know whether or not I got the job. That, too, is freaking me out. I wish they would just tell me that I did or didn't get the job, and not make me sit around waiting to find out. I know that the selection people are really good, and that if I don't get the job I wouldn't have been good at it or able to handle the challenge, but that just means that if I don't get the job I'm really no good. And that's an incredibly depressing thought. So, to sum up my emotions, I'm ecstatic for my friend, but nervous for myself... I really don't know how to respond to this situation.
Today is Ash Wednesday, the first day of Lent. It's the beginning of a season in which we remember the suffering of Jesus Christ. In order to understand this suffering, we also give up something in our lives to help us remember that sacrifice and get a tiny taste of the misery He must have felt. This year I am giving up junk food. That means all candy, desserts of all kinds, pop/soda/coke/carbonated beverages, sugary cereals, and all fried foods (with the exception of toasted ravioli) are out of my diet until Easter. In other words, I voluntarily gave up all the foods that bring me joy. Until April, I will be drowning my sorrows in fruit juice and consoling myself with lettuce. Eek. The only time that I am allowing myself to get out of this is when we go to Peru for spring break, and only then because I'm not sure what I will be able to eat, plus I don't want to lose the chance to try something completely new to me while I'm in another country.
I took another test today, and it went OK. I didn't feel like I had enough time to answer anything thoroughly, but I knew almost all of the information, so I can't have done TOO badly. Now I just have 2 tests, a weekend of work, a very intimidating meeting, and anxiety about my summer job ahead of me. And it got cold and windy again. Great. "It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..." I really am moving to Indonesia. Tomorrow. Forever. Not soon enough.
No comments:
Post a Comment