I feel incredibly helpless. I can't fix people's problems, or even help them to feel better. I just sit and observe, and wish that I could help. What am I doing here? Why is it that I just feel as though I could step out of my life and everything would just keep going? I could just hop off the planet, and everyone would continue on whatever course they were on, as though nothing had changed. I lead a small life. I don't mind this fact, but I wonder sometimes if I make any impact at all.
Last night a friend of mine had a terrible experience. I didn't know what to say to her. I just wanted to hold her and never let go, for fear that something like that might happen again. It makes me want to cry whenever I think about it. I watched two of my other friends leap into action to help her. They knew all the right things to do, the right ways to make her feel better, and I sat and watched and wished that I knew how to fix it. Those two friends are superheroes, always watching out for everyone and solving problems. I never know how to handle crises like that. I wish I knew what to do...instead I just stand there dying inside, silent.
I want to help one person each day. Just one. But if I'm going to be able to help anyone tomorrow, I have to be awake, which that I have to go to sleep.
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