Monday, April 28, 2008

This Made Me Laugh

Someone shared a copy of this list with me a couple days ago, and I thought it was brilliant. It's originally from here, but I've reprinted it here because it's easier to read here than to go link-hunting. I think it's just as reasonable and logical as many of the arguments against ordaining women.

10 Reasons Men Should Not Be Ordained

10. A man’s place is in the army.
9. The pastoral duties of men who have children might distract them from the responsibility of being a parent.
8. The physique of men indicates that they are more suited to such tasks as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do ministerial tasks.
7. Man was created before woman, obviously as a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment rather than the crowning achievement of creation.
6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. Their conduct at football and basketball games demonstrates this.
5. Some men are handsome, and this will distract women worshipers.
4. Pastors need to nurture their congregations. But this is not a traditional male role. Throughout history, women have been recognized as not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more fervently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.
3. Men are prone to violence. No really masculine man wants to settle disputes except by fighting about them. Thus they would be poor role models as well as dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.
2. The New Testament tells us that Jesus was betrayed by a man. His lack of faith and ensuing punishment remind us of the subordinated position that all men should take.
1. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep sidewalks, repair the church roof, and perhaps even lead the song service on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the church.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Don't Call Us, We'll Call You

Want to date me? Apply now!

Number of Syllables in Last Name:
Phone Number(s):
E-Mail Address:
Hair Color:
Eye Color:

1) What were the last five books you read? (If you cannot think of 5 books you've ever read, you need not apply.)
2) List your goals for the next five years in priority order.
3) Describe your faith/religious affiliation in detail.
4) List your favorite:
a) Sports teams (NFL, NCAA football, NCAA basketball, hockey, baseball)
b) Newspaper
c) Color
d) Five Movies
e) Five bands/performers
f) Quote
g) Type of art (Medium, genre, artist)
5) What is your Myers-Briggs personality type?
6) Describe your faith/spirituality.
7) List your educational background, beginning with high school and including institutions, degrees, and areas of concentration.
8) Attach an updated resume to this form.
9) Family: explain.
10) Name five current or former members of the Denver Broncos.
11) Your girlfriend asks you to attend a musical with her. How do you respond?
12) What kind of flowers, if any, do you give to a significant other?
13) List any phobias, obsessions, compulsions, psychoses, and neuroses you exhibit.
14) Can you:
a) Tie your shoes?
b) Dig a hole 18"x18"x24"?
c) Select a matching shirt and tie?
d) Change a tire?
e) Give a passable back rub?
f) Eat with your hands?
g) Tolerate tears and whining?
h) Handle yourself in strange social situations?
i) Wash dishes?
j) Pray out loud?
k) Sing?
15) How do you feel about travel?
16) Cats or Dogs?
17) My cooking is: a)inedible, b)passible, c)tasty and nutritious, d)gourmet e)I have never, ever cooked anything.
18) Complete the sentence: People describe my sense of humor as...
19) Would you be willing and able to move in order to follow your spouse's career? (If no, please tear up application effective immediately)
20) Describe the first date you would take me on.
21) Give three personal references, including one by a woman who is not related to you.
22) Do you have a criminal record? Explain.
23) Every man should know either everything or nothing. Which do you know?
24) What are your political views?
25) Essay: Please explain why you wish to date me and why I should choose to date you.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Light on Rain

"River in the rain, sometimes at night you look like a long, wide train, winding your way away somewhere. River, I love you, don't you care?"- Big River, "River in the Rain"

There's something about rainy nights that intrigues me. The light on the rain in the dark makes the air seem to glisten. The glowdrops swirling through the air become a Van Gogh painting moving all around me. Every surface shimmers in the lamplight, as though covered in gold glitter. Puddles of obsidian appear everywhere, glistening when the breeze disturbs their serenity. And when the raindrops pound their surface, they bubble effusively as though unable to contain their emotion, and I'm never sure if it's mirth or rage.

I know this weather inspires me to write, and I suppose it must be the same for many people, because there are tons of pieces of music about this weather, whether drizzle or storms. So, in the spirit of April showers, here are some of my favorites:

"Please Call Me, Baby" - Tom Waits
"Stormy Weather" - Joni Mitchell
"Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head" - B.J. Thomas
"Grey Street" - Dave Matthews Band
"River in the Rain" - Big River
"Ain't No Sunshine" - Bill Withers
"Africa" - Toto
"Famous Last Words" - Billy Joel