Stress and Sadness

I have been exiled from my computer by a sleeping roommate, but there are several thoughts that I need to get out, so I'm actually USING the dorm computer lab. Scary.

This hasn't been the best of days, I woke up a little grumpy and then faced a whole lot of people with bad news. Nothing is really going on in my life, but the lives of everyone around me seem to be falling apart. I hate that. I would rather have my life collapsing in shambles around my ears than to be forced to watch the people I care about suffer. I have seen/heard 3 people I care deeply about crying today, and it made me very sad. I had an hour-long conversation with someone that I love, and that person was extremely, EXTREMELY depressed and upset about life in general and I very nearly ended up in tears myself. Why are people so sad?

I can't wait for this semester to be over. I just want classes to be done. I will miss my Mizzou friends terribly over the summer, but I really need a break from academia and the stress of stuff here. I don't feel like I've had a break since Christmas, since I went to Peru for Spring Break. I am excited for my eleven days of summer (that's how long I have between finals and ASP) and excited to see all of the people in Ada that I haven't seen since January. I'm incredibly psyched for ASP, though. It's going to be an amazing summer. I got the staff manual in the mail today, and it's definitely a "Fatty McFat, Fatty Fatty Two-by-Four"... which means a lot of work for me, but since it's for ASP it's worth it.

I want to not be stressed anymore. I want to be able to fix my friends' problems so that they are no longer upset. I wish I could make all of that happen, but I have no control. And for the moment I feel completely helpless, like I can't solve anything or improve life in any way, that I just have to watch the car wreck with no way of preventing it or helping those involved. All the lives around me seem to be spinning out of control, and I'm stuck in the center, calmly watching them spin farther and farther away from me, on collision courses. I wish I could lasso them and pull them back toward me, away from danger, but I can't. And I wouldn't really be any good at it anyway. I guess I have to do the only thing I can: pray and put all of them in God's hands. He's the only one with long enough rope for an adequate lasso anyway. So, I'm going to handle it in my way: go say a prayer and get some sleep so that if the opportunity to make a difference arises, I won't be too tired to help out.