Called...

There is something that I feel the need to finally open up about. I'm amazed that I haven't explained it here before. Perhaps I was scared, or maybe just not sure how to put it into words. Regardless, it's about time that I explained myself: Here is the story of how I got my call to the ministry, and what's going on now. So, here goes...

Near the end of Spring Semester last year, I was sitting in Bible Study at Wesley and a thought popped into my head at random, something along the lines of "You could be a minister." This, I must say, is not normal for me. Random ideas about my future don't just pop into my head on a daily basis. However, it didn't seem that remarkable, so I just pushed the idea to the back of my mind.

I didn't give the thought any more contemplation until I was sitting in the back of a van one night while I was at ASP (Appalachia Service Project). As I sat there in the dark, the thought occurred to me again. This time, since it was a repeating idea, I didn't shove it to the back of my mind immediately. I mentioned it to my friend Rachel and we agreed to both pray about it.

When I returned to Mizzou, I thought more and more about those ideas, and devoted a lot of time in prayer to trying to figure out what it was about. The more I thought about it, the more I saw the ways God had molded my life along the way. I could see his hands shaping my life, like the image of the potter in Jeremiah 18:1-4. A memory dredged up from when I was about 5: my parents had tucked me in and I was supposed to be sleeping, but instead I pulled out my book of Bible stories and started a church service for my stuffed animals, complete with hymns, a reading, and a sermon. I hadn't thought about it in years, but all of a sudden it was a clear memory in my mind. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed as though I was being called in some way. I preached at the Wesley on Wheels and I felt completely at home, like what I was doing was right, exactly what I should be doing. However, I wanted more security, more persuasion that it was, in fact, what God wanted, so I still held off.

I continued to pray and think about it, and finally I got incredibly fed up. I felt incredibly restless one day, so I wandered over to the small chapel at MUMC, lay down on the floor, said a prayer begging for clarity, and meditated. As I lay there with the light of the setting sun pouring in the window at me, everything seemed to clear up and suddenly I felt an amazing sense of peace. It was as though opening myself up to God's will and saying, "Yes, I'll do whatever you want me to do," and he was saying, "Now you are ready, this is what I have for you."

I finally felt secure enough in my call to talk to someone, so I sought out Rev. Mike, the Wesley Campus Minister. After talking to Mike, I felt more comfortable with the idea. I waited until Thanksgiving break to tell my parents about my experience. I wasn't sure how telling them would go, but it ended up being one of the most reassuring experiences possible. When I was finished outlining what had happened and what I was going to do, my dad said, "Yeah, I thought so." This confused me, so he explained that this information had come to him in meditation a few months earlier. It was incredibly comforting to have my parents support and the knowledge that I wasn't the only one experiencing God's call.

Now I am working my way through the Ministry Inquiry Process to get ordination in the United Methodist Church. It's a series of workbooks, interviews, conversations, and tests that pave the road to becoming a pastor. So, now I'm navigating that path. I'm going to get my college degree in Interdisciplinary Studies (combining History, Sociology, and Religious Studies), then go to Seminary and, hopefully, get Ordained as an Elder.

"So, now you know the rest of the story." I hope that this explains some things about my decisions and life. If you've got any questions or comments, encouragements, or even complaints that women shouldn't be ministers, leave them. Now that I've unburdened myself, I'm taking the rest of the night off.