Walk Down This Mountain

The summer is ended, and I'm back at school. I just finished the most amazing summer of my life. I can't even describe it. I worked harder than I ever have in my life. I grew and was stretched more than I could even have imagined. And now I'm looking back on it, missing it almost more than I can bear.

ASP Staff... how can I describe it? I was a counselor/social worker/contractor/spiritual leader/hardware distributor/professional driver/financier. Each day I woke up at 6:45, led high schoolers in devotions, maybe went to the hardware store, visited construction sites answering questions and giving advice and encouragement, drove at least 2 hours, made business phone calls, filled out paperwork, led a worship service, and discussed construction with my fellow staffers, before going to bed between midnight and two a.m. The four of us made sure that 70 people were fed and taken care of, oversaw construction on up to 10 sites at a time, provided construction supplies for up to 12 work crews, led 4 worship services per work, and managed a $40,000 budget. Each day I was surrounded by 70 people who were there solely to serve God and His people. I met 13 of the most amazing families EVER, and got to serve them by repairing their homes and giving them new hope. I can't describe the pain of having to turn down 60 families seeking aid, the joy and hope in the faces of the families we served, the energy and growth of the new volunteers each week, the exhaustion by the end of each week, the excitement of new volunteers and improvements, and the amazement of seeing God work in the people around me and myself. I can't explain it, I can't show it to you, I can merely express that I was overwhelmed.

And now it's over.

36 hours after ASP ended, I was back at school reporting for work. It was incredibly strange to know that my awesome summer was over and that I'm back exactly where I was before I left. The location is the same, things here are almost as though we never left, but I am different. I tried to go shopping yesterday because I needed new shoes and school supplies, but I can't bear to spend money. I mean, the money I spent on my textbooks alone was enough to feed one of those families for a month. How can I buy new shoes when they can't afford to pay their bills for the month? It hurts to be in such a different place. It hurts that no one here understands, and that I can't even begin to explain my feelings to anyone.

I want to make friends with the new people in the dorm, to get back into the swing of things, but I don't seem to have the motivation. I'm sad, lonely, and emotionally disconnected from my present surroundings. I don't seem to have the motivation to have social interaction or to do anything, really, besides do the necessary things to get ready for classes to start. It's as though I don't really know what to do with myself. I was invited to a party tonight, but I just didn't feel up to it. Instead, I'm sitting here alone, being lonely and sad, wishing I were back in Virginia. I know I should talk to someone about this, or move on. I know that feeling guilty and pulling away from people doesn't solve anything, but I can't seem to do anything else. I just don't feel up to it. I feel like hiding, crying, running away. I'm coming down, back to the life I left behind. It's a good life, but I suddenly feel like something is missing. I guess I'm just coming down from the spiritual high of ASP and struggling with a little withdrawal. *sigh* It hurts.

"It's a better place standing high upon this mountain
I've seen your face full of the light that only His light can show
A blistered hand is what you've given
You've been given all you'll ever need to know.

So walk down this mountain with your heart held high
And follow in the footsteps of your maker
With this love that's gone before you
And these people at your side.
If you offer up your broken cup,
You will taste the meaning of this life.
Hey Hey

It's a common ground and I see you're all still standing
Just look around and you find the very face of God
He's walking down into the distance
He's walking down to where the messes are.

so walk down this mountain with your heart held high
Follow in the footsteps of your maker
With this love that's gone before you
And these people at your side
If you offer up your broken cup
You will taste the meaning of this life.

Standing in a place of peace,
This is how the world should be, how the world should be.

So walk down this mountain with your heart held high
Follow in the footsteps of your maker
With this love that's gone before you
And these people at your side
Offer up your broken cup,
And you will taste the meaning of this life.
Hey hey." -Bebo Norman

I praise God every day for the opportunity I had in ASP. And I keep walking.