People always tell me that I shouldn't bottle my thoughts up inside. That I should let it out, release the tension. What they don't understand is that it makes me feel bad. I don't want to bring people I care about down by dumping my sadness and burdens on them. Especially right now, when nearly everyone I know seems to be burdened down with their own stresses and hard times. I'm incredibly stressed, I've gotten some bad news, and I have a bad feeling about something, but I just can't bring myself to tell people what's wrong. I mean, everyone I know is busy with lots of their own stress and difficulty right now. I can't bear the idea of making everyone else's situations worse. I would rather keep it to myself. Besides, what is talking about it going to do, except make other people upset?
I feel like my heart is a firefly in a jar, but the lid has no holes. I just keep holding all the stress and emotion inside, I keep giving signs of cheerfulness with by lighting up and flying around my little jar... I don't let anyone see the sadness, just my little light and my flying antics. However, I am suffocating and slowly dying inside, because I refuse to punch holes in the lid. I won't let the stress and strain out for fear of infecting the air around me, I just hold it all in my jar. And I know that eventually I'll be fine, that really, there's enough air in the jar to get by until the situations work themselves out and the jar shatters, setting me free. I just hope that the tension releases before I run out of air.
Songs of the moment: "Ain't No Sunshine" by Bill Withers, "A Strange Way to Save the World" by 4Him, "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton, and "Bad Day" by Fuel
Here's to smashing the jar.
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