Oh my gosh, is it really almost 2005?

I think perhaps I'll copy the blogging technique of Will the Huggable (a.k.a. Average Bear), only writing about once a month, but writing such witty and unique stuff that everyone forgives him for his irregularity. While I am seriously lacking Will's wit, this may have to be the approach I take. We'll see if I ever get back to my more regular blogging. Anyway, I've started to wonder if anyone reads blogs anymore, or if they have passed away into fad history and been replaced by the sudden emergence of the "Facebook". I'm still forming my opinion about Facebook and, thus, not yet on it. Which is OK. I doubt I'd have enough time to keep up with that when I can't even seem to keep up with my blog.

Christmas
Christmas has come and gone, as it always seems to, too quickly. Just when I realized it was the Christmas season and I was getting into that whole joy of the season thing, it was all over. In a few quiet days at my grandparents house in the mountains, suddenly I'm back and it's almost 2005. Yikes. All in all, though, Christmas was good. I missed my friends in the outside world (yes, that probably means you) but it was good to be able to relax with family. I even managed to keep my nose clean, not getting into any major political arguments with my conservative family members. For this, I feel I deserve a ticker tape parade, but I'll settle for a slice of my grandmother's lemon meringue pie. Mmmm.

Church Architecture
So, does anybody besides me sometimes wonder about the architecture of churches? All of them have some sort of tall structure, either a bell tower or a steeple, that seems to be a giant sign saying "God, this way!" Or perhaps these structures are like those kids in elementary school who always have their hands up waving in the air, screaming silently, "Oooh, pick me, I know the answer!!!" Maybe it's that the churches are really trying to act out that ladder of good works to heaven analogy people are always going on about. I find it strange. Then there are the stained glass windows. They are very pretty, but I never really got the point of the pictures. After all this crazy fighting (and the split between the Eastern Orthodox and the Roman Catholic Church) over iconography, everybody has the crazy stained glass windows with *gasp* ICONS!!! The artists could have put the crazy pictures on the walls but instead put the pictures in the windows. I think there's a secret message: PAY ATTENTION. They're a really decorative way of preventing all those fidgety kids (myself included) from looking out the window. You can only stare at a stained glass window for so long before it gets boring and you have to turn your attention to something else like, oh, I don't know, the sermon. Sneaky isn't it? But I love churches anyway. I think it's the secret passageways and organ pipes and mysterious nature.

FS2004
Well, everyone survived fall semester 2004. After all that panicking, I still managed to get decent grades. Not up to my standards, of course, but decent. I even got through Greek, which was a cause of much celebration. Now on to planning for FS2005: South Africa. If I can get all of my paperwork done on time, arrange my capstone, and get flights and stuff, I'll be going to RSA for four months. I'm so excited I could scream. I just hope all of the paperwork gets in on time. Now I know how Allison felt with all of her mad paperwork and phone calls. I know she'll have a great time in Greece, though.

New Years
I can't really fathom that tomorrow is 2005. It seems like every year passes more quickly than the previous year, so I think by the time I'm eighty, every year will only last a day in my mind. No wonder the elderly get confused all the time! Anyway, as usual, I have a few resolutions (which, of course, will never last past February, but I try...). My plan this year is to lose 10 pounds (duh...) and to set aside more time each day for personal devotional stuff. Wish me luck!

I hope your holidays were spectacular and have a wonderful and safe New Year!!!

Trudging Through

I have not written in nearly a month. I realize that this makes me a terrible person, but I have been insanely busy studying, then I took a week off from everything for Thanksgiving, and now I'm back to school. I spent the last month studying like a madwoman in an attempt to do well this semester. I came to the realization today, however, that this is getting me nowhere. It doesn't matter that I've studied harder this semester than I have any other time in my 16 years of schooling. It doesn't matter that I've officially been stressed for 3.5 months. Because I'm still going to do poorly in my classes. I'm watching my excellent GPA disappear down the drain in the toilet: spinning, spinning, gone.

On a happier note, there are only 3 more weeks until Christmas Break, one of my favorite times of the year. Christmas break is wonderful because there isn't the stress of homework (gotta love semesters!) and the break is pretty long, but not long enough to really find a job. It's three weeks to just relax, eat, enjoy time with family, read FUN books, and generally sit on your butt. I can't wait.

KJ said something really cool today that blew my mind. "She's cool, but her friends are... *nasty face* normal." I sat their for a second, then burst out laughing. I remember in junior high I thought that the best possible thing was to be "normal". The cool kids were "normal" and I thought I was a freak. But things have changed. The people I know now have no urge to be "cool" or "normal", we like being strange and quirky and fun. Suddenly "normal" is a bad thing. Hooray for eccentricity. Celebrate variation. Cheer for creativity and individuality.

Well, I'm off to write yet another paper for yet another class that is just going to kill my GPA even though I work really hard at it. G'night, all!

Fearful Outcome

Well, the election has come and gone with little change to the government. Republicans now hold not only the presidency, but also the majority in Congress. I, for one, am a little frightened by this. I do not have any faith in Bush as president, and I can't bear to think of the freedoms that an executive and legislative together can take away from the citizens in the name of "security" or "morality". We're likely to lose at least one member of the Supreme Court (Rehnquist) and I'm nervous about who will be put on the Court to replace him. It looks like we may soon have every branch of the government in the hands of the Republicans. This is not to say that ALL Republicans are bad, but since I disagree with much of the Republican platform, I think the nation is in trouble. I'm beginning to lose hope and considering going to seminary in another country. That way by the time I get back we'll be ready to have a new president, and this time it CAN'T be Bush again. Maybe we'll actually get someone into office who isn't misogynistic, homophobic, anti-environment, or lacking in essential communication and critical thinking skills. We can hope... (This is where my FBI file will start. Next thing they'll be using the USA Patriot act to look up my library records...)

In other news, I've survived another week of classes. There are only 4 more weeks of classes, which means 20 more Greek classes. I'm looking forward to being done. I'm ready for this semester to be over, so I can relax a bit. For that matter, I'm also desperately looking forward to Thanksgiving break, which is only 2 weeks away. This weekend should be relaxing if I can just get past all of the papers. I have an awesome Wesley movie night, then tomorrow I'm having dinner with the wombat. Nothing big or exciting, but no pressure either. I like the lack of pressure.

There are all sorts of prospective students crawling the campus today, following tour guides, visiting the dorms. They make me sort of dread the grad school admissions process. I really hate wandering around campuses being schmoozed by admissions people and trying to figure out if I like the school while being looked at like an alien by the current students. I hate trying to figure out whether the school runs liberal or conservative, whether it is a hotbed of misogyny or feminism, whether I could fit in socially (as one of the youngest students EVERYWHERE). I don't want to be that outsider awkwardly trying to get a sense of the campus through the admissions office and the tour. It's a lot of pressure, but it's also pretty cool to have that kind of open-ended freedom. I can go anywhere I want to any school I want, provided I can get in. It's a cool feeling to have an open plain ahead of you, waiting to be explored.

But for now, I'm not going to explore or do anything else, I'm going to go eat pizza. Happy Friday everyone!

Bizarro World

I would say the stuff about not writing and being really busy and apologizing but, face facts, it's getting really redundant, so I'll just skip it. Consider yourself apologized-to.

I just had the best weekend I've had all semester. I got to run off to Fright Fest (Six Flags) with the Wombat and meet Rachel there and see her for the first time since the summer. It was a blast just talking and hanging out with them all day. Also, I got to go to the Cheesecake Factory for the first time and it was amazing. The whole weekend was like a mini-vacation until I came back on Sunday, which was exactly what I needed. Everything was great until I had to come back and study for a Greek test. With the way the Greek test went, I'm going to start taking tightrope-walking lessons to prepare for my future career.

If I hadn't given up dating, I'd be slightly peeved with some people right now. Do you know those girls who just HAVE to have guys drooling over them and following them around constantly? I know way too many of them and they make me physically ill. I mean, why do they need to have every guy they meet fall head over heals for them? Why can't they just be happy with breaking one heart at a time, instead of having a small collection of men at their fingertips "just in case"? Nearly every one of the guys in my life that I've been interested in has bee interested in some other girl, always one of these heartbreakers. Then these girls have the nerve to complain about their situation. I am incredibly glad that I gave up guys for the time being. I simply don't have the time or energy required to compete with those girls, and I wouldn't win anyway.

As for the rest of life, I'm seriously excited about Thanksgiving break. The week before Thanksgiving is crazy, with three big papers, two quizzes, and a test, but that will make Thanksgiving break even sweeter. I can't wait to go home, see my family, catch up with my buddies, and finally get to relax.

Tomorrow is the big day: THE ELECTION. While my vote has already been cast (behold the wonders of the absentee ballot), I have a few things to say. First: Bush lied to us. He lied to the American people, and I cannot support a leader who doesn't tell truth to the people he represents. Second: I have not been impressed with Bush's actions. His tax cuts made no sense, his education plan stinks, and his foreign policy has made the vast majority of the world hate us. Why would we want four more years of that? Third: Bush passed the USA PATRIOT Act. This is a piece of legislation reminiscent of the years of McCarthyism and the Sedition Acts, making it possible for the government to check citizens' library records and to hold prisoners, without charge or proof, indefinitely at Guantanamo Bay. I cannot vote for any president who would uphold our freedoms like that. It is unconstitutional and dangerous to the freedoms upon which this nation was founded. I have excellent reasons beyond these for voting for Kerry, but I won't preach them here. But regardless of your opinions, get out and vote tomorrow. If you don't use your power to vote, you may as well be a monkey locked up in a zoo. (Which is actually what may happen to you if Bush gets re-elected...) I plan to sit by my TV tomorrow night and monitor this first presidential election I have been able to vote in. You have no idea how excited I am to see democracy at work. This will certainly be an exciting election.

On that note, I'm going to go try to do homework, since I obviously won't be doing any tomorrow... so get out there and VOTE!

Painfully Busy

First, I have to apologize (again) for not blogging for a really long time (again). You see, I got a promotion at work that means training and more hours. And then there's the fact that we had midterms and papers and stuff. Add to that Wesley, several important birthdays, and football season, and you've got a recipe for my insanity. You didn't miss any really big news, though, I'm still getting ripped to pieces by Greek and History, trying to arrange study abroad and seminary, and worrying about the upcoming election.

I've been reading a book entitled Grace, by Mary Cartledgehayes. It is the memoirs of a female United Methodist minister. I really enjoy it because the priciple character is somewhat liberal and feminist, but also very deeply rooted in her faith. Finally I feel as though someone else understands what I'm going through as a liberal, feminist, Christian woman. I get to hear about the courage of another woman in the ministry. I get to read about her struggles and triumphs, challenges and encouragements, and how she responds to the call. The author is extremely talented. This is a book that I would recommend very highly.

Well, back to papers and work. To quote, well, somebody, "I'll be back."

Decision: Off the Market

I have made a big decision: I am not going to get into a relationship for the next two years. So far everyone I have told of this decision has looked at me as though I'm nuts, questioned me disbelievingly, or outright laughed. But, logistically speaking, it makes a lot of sense. Check it out:

First, I'm insanely busy right now. I'm taking 17 hours, starting a new 15-hour-a-week job, working as a Peer Minister and StuCo President at Wesley, trying to get through the Inquiry Process for Ministry, planning/preparing for/applying for study abroad and seminary, and attempting to have a social life. I really don't need the extra stress and time usage.

Second, my life is way too unstable to get attached to someone else. I'm only going to be here at school for the rest of the semester, then home for break for three weeks, then here for another semester, then back home for a month, then I'll disappear to South Africa for a semester, then I'll have one more semester at school before I graduate and go somewhere else entirely for seminary.

Third, I am in a stage of commitmentphobia. I hate feeling tied up. I haven't seen enough of the world to know what I want for sure yet, so how can I make a commitment to one person? Maybe someday I'll be willing to limit my options to one person, but at this point I don't want to do it. Maybe I haven't met the right person, maybe I'm not mature enough, maybe I'm too picky, maybe I'm destined to be single forever. I don't know. But regardless, this is my decision for now.

Don't hold me to this, obviously, as situations change and extraneous circumstances prevail. But for the moment, I'm not interested in relationships with anyone. Singlehood and friendship suit me fine. (And maybe a little random making out....;-) Just kidding...mostly...)

That's all for now. Hope your week wraps up well!

Spewing Nonsensical Jumble

My head is incredibly jumbled, with the result that I'm simply going to spill thoughts, not in complete sentences or even properly expressed, simply to get them out of my head and onto (virtual) paper. So, don't worry if this makes no sense to you, it's here because it doesn't even make sense to me. Here goes.

Boys. WTF? How does this happen? Massive confusion. Timing is terrible. Flowers, conversations, and singlehood. Now is not the time for romantic relationships in my life, is it? So many W's! What else, if anything, is out there?

Classes. 19 hours? 17 hours? 16 hours? Greek? Infamous Trials? Gen. Ed.s? Classes in my major? How much can I handle at once? What is necessary?

New job. Excited, but scared to death. Is it too much? Can I supervise? New place, new position, new responsibilities, new people. Yikes.

This semester. Why are classes going so badly all at once? Is there even a reason to go to history class?

Other stuff: Study Abroad. ASP. Friends. Weight. Family. Politics. Religion. Seminary. Candidacy. Wesley. Reading. Apartments. Money. The distant future.

Thank God for Ashley, KJ, and Caleb.

I need to sleep on this. I'm out.