I don't know

*Disclaimer: I don't want answers to my questions, I just want to send them into the void and get them out of my head.*

I feel like I'm sitting at a table in a restaurant trying to figure out what to order. The menu is limitless. I don't know if I have an appetite, or what kind of food I want to eat, or what I even think would be healthy or give me food poisoning. Beyond that, I don't know whether the waitress would even serve me.

On employment: I want to get more education, but I don't know where or what in. I know that I want to go into some sort of ministry, but I don't know what kind. I would like to work for the Methodist Church, but I don't know in what capacity. I can't figure out what God is calling me to do, and I can't really see the road ahead. I'm going to go to seminary because some sort of ministry is in my future and that's the way to start, but I don't know any more details than that.

On myself: I don't know how other people see me. I see my insecurities, weaknesses, and flaws. I have some vague idea of what I'm capable of, but that's about it. Other people's perspectives are a mystery.

On relationships: I don't know if I want to be in a relationship. I crave the comfort and affection, but I don't know what or who I want. And I don't know that if I found the right person that they'd want me back. I don't know what falling head-over-heels in love feels like. I have no idea what the right way to go on this one is, so I'm staying stationary.

On the state of the world: I have several classes that cause me to question the world around me. They point out inequalities and dangers and the way humans are hurting each other, and I'm in a conundrum. Is there more I can do to help? Should I stand up and fight the problems, or would I just do more harm than good? Where can I start? Is it even worth fixing if things only seem to get worse and worse?

So, I just keep sitting at my table. I'm going to keep on heading toward some form of ministry and hope that gets cleared up in time. I'll leave people to view me from whatever perspective they want. I'm keeping my several amazing guy friends and staying single. And as for the world, I'll keep on working in the ways I can and hoping that things can be really changed someday. And I keep waiting.

I'm waiting for Godot.