Splatters of Thought

So, several things have happened since I last wrote and I have tons of little things rattling around in my head, so I'm going to do the paint-splatter-thought thing. Look out, splatters on the way.

I had my new classes yesterday. All of them look really interesting, but also very hard. There are tons of assignments and I'm starting to worry about all of them already. I know that I'll get through it, but it's not a good sign when you have four assignments for just one class on the first day.

I must confess: I have a crush. There's a guy that, from all that I know of him so far, I really like. But he's really shy. I want to get to know him better, and date him eventually, but I can't get him to let down his guard enough to make that possible. It's starting to get frustrating.

I'm starting to feel like a lonely reject. It's not that I'm dying to be in a relationship or that I need a guy to feel complete. (that's just dumb) I guess I just want to know that I'm not completely undesirable. I've only had two guys really care about me in that way in my whole life, and both of them were slightly psycho. Does that mean that only crazy people can like me? Is there something wrong with me that no guy ever likes me beyond friendship? I mean, I love having guy friends, but at some point I'd like something more. I just want the reassurance that nice guys CAN like me, and that I CAN be happy in a relationship instead of just hurt. I don't think I'm completely worthless or anything like that, it's just that I begin to wonder after a while if there's something wrong with me, or if my relationship carbeurator is just missing.

My friends are great, though. Sarah and Stef always make me feel great about myself, Zach and Chris support me without me even telling them that anything's wrong, and Kristen, Rachel, and Sally make me laugh. The folks at Wesley have this amazing belief that I can do anything that I want, which amazes me. I've never felt like they doubted me or were worried that I wouldn't or couldn't do something that I said I would. And that makes me feel good about myself, like I'm a superhero or something.

Pres. Bush's State of the Union address really bothered me. I mean, unemployment is incredibly high, and his biggest fear is homosexual marriage? I mean, I understand that he is against gay marriage, but what's most important here? Come on, let's try to keep our focus on the critical things!!! And what's up with this "continuing the war on terror"? Who, or what specifically, is terror? And where? And how can we fight something that we can't define? If we're going to go to war, let's at least tell specifically who we're going after! And really, how does he intend to install all of those programs he talked about while cutting taxes so that the government doesn't have any money to use for the programs? If he thinks he can decrease tax income and increase spending simultaneously, he is, to quote "The American President" "The chief executive of fantasy land!" I do appreciate, however, his faith and his openness about it. He's a man of good character, but sometimes I think he makes errors of judgement. Or perhaps I'm just too cynical.

Well, I must be running along, because I have this little thing called WORK, but I'll write more later.