Well, I have returned from Kiwi-a-gogo land (sorry, tribute to Georgia), that is, my grandparents house where the cell service is lousy and the dial-up is worse. I managed to survive an attack from my most troublesome relative and convince my 6-year-old cousin that I'm wonderful, so I would have to say that the trip was a success.
I feel as though I have been cut off from the world. I mean, many of my friends are 10 hours away, including my romantic interest of the present. Worse than that, I found out that the guy I have my eye on was talking to one of my friends until 5 a.m. yesterday. Not that I don't trust her, she wouldn't steal him out from under me intentionally, but she's prettier than I am and I'm nervous that he'll decide he likes her and not me and there I am single again. But if anyone is going to be the one to get his attention in the end instead of me, I'd want it to be her. She's awesome and deserves some happiness, and she'd never hurt me on purpose, God bless her. Honestly, I think my reputation as the old spinster of the dorm may stick with me forever. My life is sad.
Also, I have reached the realization that I'm terrified of getting older. I don't know what I'll do when I'm not in school anymore, I don't know if I could handle being self-sufficient, and I don't know if I could deal with moving to a completely new place and having to make completely new friends in unfamiliar surroundings once again. I'm really nervous about being on my own, having all those adult responsibilities. More than anything, I'm afraid I'll move to a new place where I'll be completely alone. I don't like feeling alone, like there's no one I can talk to or spend time with. I like my alone time, but not ALL of my time being alone.
I am, however, getting excited and nervous about being alone on the road on my big road trip. After all, 4 days of travel on the road by myself will be some blessed time to think and relax. It'll be a taste of life on my own, plus I get to spend time with my grandparents, aunt, and of course, the wonderful Rachel, who can read my mind. I'm scared to death about the job interview weekend, though. I mean, I REALLY want that job, and I'm really afraid of messing it up. Either way, though, it should be interesting and challenging.
One side note: my history professor was a jerk. Stupid lies about cumulative exams and hard grading. Stupid A-. Grr.
A few questions I'd like to send into the abyss: What am I going to do when I grow up? Am I going to be single and alone forever? And where did my STINKING jacket get put in this crazy renovation project that used to be my house?!
Goodnight all, and happy holidays
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