...Master of None (or "Alternative Spiritual Gifts Don't Get Jobs")

Next I'm scheduled to have a conversation with my DS about appointments. I will be expected to explain my particular gifts for ministry and name the areas of weakness that I would like to work on. This is going to be a challenge because, at least according to my experiences so far in life, I appear to be a jack(ie?) of all trades, but a master of none. There are very few areas in which I am a particular standout. I am decent at preaching, pastoral care, teaching, organizing, and administrative work. I have a little experience in ministering with youth, but I am in no way set apart as someone called to youth ministry. And if there's one thing I have discerned absolutely NO call to, it's children's ministry.

I like to mentally toy with the idea of telling my DS about what my friends refer to as "alternative spiritual gifts". While these aren't listed in the Scripture passages about the fruits of the Spirit and they don't qualify as "gifts and graces" in one's commissioning papers, I think they have value for existing in the world and might even contribute to my ministry. A few examples:

Sarcasm - Sarcasm often gets an undeservedly bad reputation. While it can be a hurtful defense mechanism (which is probably why it is located on the CPE feeling wheel under the categories of "hostile" and "angry") it can also be a means of disarming tense moments, demonstrating your humanity, and removing the lens of irrelevance with which people often view religious leaders. I've even heard it used effectively in a sermon to drive home a point about the need for social justice. I'm not going to try it in the pulpit for a while, but I still think it's an underappreciated spiritual gift.

Doodling - I cannot sit still in class. I also can't draw. Consequently, I have developed a way of doodling that is totally abstract, but which takes requires motion and very little attention. I use colored pencils to create intricate, abstract doodles during class. So far none of my professors have openly complained. I wonder if I can get away with doing this during council meetings?

Grammar - When I was little, my parents would correct my grammar whenever I spoke. The conversations would go something like this:
Mom: What did you do today?
Me: Well, Me and Rachel went...
Dad: Rachel and I.
Me: Rachel and I went to the park.
Between those corrections and the way my mother would diagram sentences with me when I wrote my first few papers, I learned to use proper grammar almost all the time. I get frustrated when people use "less" when they should say "fewer", and when they use unnecessary prepositions at the end of their sentences. (This is a Midwestern phenomenon, e.g. Where you going to?) While this gift enables me to work as an ESOL tutor, it also makes me obnoxious when I talk back to newscasters or correct my friends.

Relaxation - I have a gift for knowing how to help people unwind. I know when a friend needs a cup of coffee and when she needs a stiff drink. I know when it's time to talk and when it's time to pop Star Wars: A New Hope into the VCR. I can tell when we should blow bubbles, when we should run, and when we should sit and cry. This really doesn't qualify as pastoral care, since it's not about healing or spirituality. It's more about gauging mood and knowing my friends.

Somehow, though, I think my DS might find these tidbits to be less than helpful. Still, they'd be better than mentioning my alternative spiritual gifts of comfy clothes, feminism, and jazz hands...