Long Advent

Christmas snuck up on me this year. Somewhere between my sister's wedding, writing my commissioning papers, and getting through a tough spate of finals, I lost track of the calendar. By the time I woke up from my stress-coma, there were less than 10 days left before the holiday: 10 days in which to do all my Christmas shopping, 10 days to get emotionally prepared for the first Christmas with a new family member, 10 days to get ready for Santa and the baby Jesus to arrive. It's strange, too, because Christmas is my favorite holiday. I usually spend the entire period between Thanksgiving and Christmas being excited, madly decorating, baking, and listening to Christmas carols (I know, I know, I'm not supposed to do that until Christmas, but the Advent music just isn't as good!) Yet this year, I don't seem to be able to get into the holiday spirit.

Instead of getting caught up in the joy of the season, I've been rushing madly, just trying to meet the next deadline, finish the next project. But, in some ways, that has been a good thing. It has left me longing for the holiday to come, desperately wanting the peace of home, break, and holiday to arrive. Now, finally, the break is here, and I'm at home, but still Christmas doesn't seem to be sinking in. Finally I understand the yearning, the longing of advent. For the first time this year, I truly feel that this is a season of waiting and watching, of hoping for peace and joy to arrive. I just hope that in 3 days, as I light a candle at the Christmas Eve Service, I'll finally feel the joy and closeness of Christ that I've been longing for.