Want to date me? Apply now!
Name:
Number of Syllables in Last Name:
Age:
Phone Number(s):
E-Mail Address:
Address:
Height:
Hair Color:
Eye Color:
1) What were the last five books you read? (If you cannot think of 5 books you've ever read, you need not apply.)
2) List your goals for the next five years in priority order.
3) Describe your faith/religious affiliation in detail.
4) List your favorite:
a) Sports teams (NFL, NCAA football, NCAA basketball, hockey, baseball)
b) Newspaper
c) Color
d) Five Movies
e) Five bands/performers
f) Quote
g) Type of art (Medium, genre, artist)
5) What is your Myers-Briggs personality type?
6) Describe your faith/spirituality.
7) List your educational background, beginning with high school and including institutions, degrees, and areas of concentration.
8) Attach an updated resume to this form.
9) Family: explain.
10) Name five current or former members of the Denver Broncos.
11) Your girlfriend asks you to attend a musical with her. How do you respond?
12) What kind of flowers, if any, do you give to a significant other?
13) List any phobias, obsessions, compulsions, psychoses, and neuroses you exhibit.
14) Can you:
a) Tie your shoes?
b) Dig a hole 18"x18"x24"?
c) Select a matching shirt and tie?
d) Change a tire?
e) Give a passable back rub?
f) Eat with your hands?
g) Tolerate tears and whining?
h) Handle yourself in strange social situations?
i) Wash dishes?
j) Pray out loud?
k) Sing?
15) How do you feel about travel?
16) Cats or Dogs?
17) My cooking is: a)inedible, b)passible, c)tasty and nutritious, d)gourmet e)I have never, ever cooked anything.
18) Complete the sentence: People describe my sense of humor as...
19) Would you be willing and able to move in order to follow your spouse's career? (If no, please tear up application effective immediately)
20) Describe the first date you would take me on.
21) Give three personal references, including one by a woman who is not related to you.
22) Do you have a criminal record? Explain.
23) Every man should know either everything or nothing. Which do you know?
24) What are your political views?
25) Essay: Please explain why you wish to date me and why I should choose to date you.
4 comments:
26. Name the greatest NFL quarterback ever. (Note: if your answer is not John Elway, you might as well tear up this application right now.)
:)
Name: Darth Vader
Number of Syllables in last name: 2 (or 3 depending how well you know me).
Age: 40ish
E-mail: DarthVder@GalacticEmp.com
Address: Right now I am stationed on the Death Star. (nicer than it sounds, great place to raise kids).
Height: 6'1 without my uniform. 6'6 in my suit.
Hair Color: Um...I wear a nice helmet.
Eye Color: The helmet covers my face.
1) Last five books I read: "Light Saber Fighting for Dummies", "So you are a Sith lord, now what?", "Yoda, I am: Yoda's Autobiography" (thats hard to put down) "Tuesdays with Morrie" and finally "Light Side, Dark Side: Essays about the Force."
2. Conquer the Galaxy. Crush the Rebels. Find my children. Run the Galactic Empire.
3. I am a Sith Lord. But I was raised Catholic.
4.a. The Jedi Academy Knights football team (Go KNIGHTS!) and the Coruscant Droids.
b. The Coruscant Times. The Dantooine Post is a bit slanted for me. I have been meaning blow that planet up...
c. Black. I look great in it.
d. "The Good the bad and the Ugly.", "Breakfast at Tiffany's", "The Matrix", "American President" and "Spider-man"
e. John Williams. He is my alpha and omega musically. After all he did this great theme music for me.
f. "You don't know the POWER of the Darkside." - Me.
g. Painting, Modernist, Picaso.
5. ISTJ - Examiner
6. Like I said I am a Sith Lord. Its like being a Pastor/Warrior/Wizard all in one.
7. Well I was a slave until I was eleven. So not much before that. Then I went to the Jedi Academy for ten years or so. Then I became the apprentice to Darth Sidious.
8. I will have a droid send it over.
9. Um, wow this is complicated. Lets see, mom said I was made my the force. So I never had a father. I used to have a wife, lets just say it didn't end well. I also have children but I am not sure where they are. That sounds bad, but I have been looking.
10. John Elway, Terrell Davis, Eddie McCaffrey, Rod Smith, Dre Bly
11. Depending on if I had to crush an uprising on another world or not.
12. Roses.
13. Losing loved ones. I used to be afraid of lava...
14. a Yes
b. Of course.
c. I don't really have any. But I am sure I could.
d. Sure.
e. With the force all things are possible.
f. Yes, though I try not to.
g. No.
h. Most people don't speak when I am around.
i. I can...
j. Yes, its the only way I pray.
k. No.
15. I do a lot of traveling. Mostly from the inner systems to the outter.
16. Neither.
17. I am a passable cook.
18. Dark, very dark.
19. I could make arrangements.
20. We would go to the Best restaurant on Coruscant. Then maybe go to watch some interrogations. After that, maybe catch some pod racing.
21. Darth Sidious, Grand Moff Tarkin, and Admiral Piett.
22. No crimes. Well...
23. I know all that I need to know. With the force as my ally I am unstoppable.
24. Just right of Nazism.
25. I am DARTH VADER SITH LORD! You will date me Lobenhofer I find you impressive...most impressive.
Name: Caleb S. Prewitt
Number of Syllables in Last Name: 2
Age: 25
Phone Number(s): Um, no. You have it already, and this IS still the Internet after all.
E-Mail Address: csprewitt@gmail.com
Address: See the phone number response.
Height: 6'2"
Hair Color: Dark brown
Eye Color: Brown
1) A Brief History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson, Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov, Larry Rivers: A Retrospective by Sam Hunter, Why Nations Go to War by John Stoessinger, and Take the Cannoli by Sarah Vowell
2) God, you're a geek. Fine. Finish my portfolio. Get into grad school. Travel Europe. Show in at least 3 galleries. Get my Master's.
3) Hardcore atheist.
4) List your favorite:
a) I think if I lived in Boston I might support the Red Sox just on general principle, but other than that, no real interest. I don't even have a favorite sumo wrestler, and I love sumo!
b) The New York Times
c) Powder blue
d) Citizen Kane, Crimes and Misdemeanors, The Godfather, Casablanca, and Manhattan
e) Bob Dylan, Radiohead, Ben Folds, Beck, and The Decemberists
f) "Perhaps it is better to be un-sane and happy than to be sane and un-happy. But it is best of all to be sane and happy."
g) Painting. Neo-realism. Jim Dine.
5) Y'know, I don't actually know. But now I'm curious.
6) I don't believe in the supernatural at all, but I place a high premium on things beyond oneself. Ideals, values, history, etc. My spirituality is tied to art or science.
7) Raytown High School, the University of Missouri-Columbia (Fine Arts)
8) I'm probably not going to do that. But ask me some other time.
9) You really can't get away from it, can you? That's okay sometimes, and unbearable others. I like the idea of family. But I think the family that matters most is the one you choose for yourself, not the one that was forced on you by accident of birth.
10) I know better than to even try.
11) Depends on the musical. Some are great, some aren't. No genre is perfect.
12) Roses are only appropriate at certain times. I'm partial to daisies, tulips, and orchids myself.
13) I struggle with OCD (mostly the "O") every day. It's not fun. Apart from that, and chronic mild depression, I'm freaked out by heights and needles.
14) Can you:
a) Yes.
b) Yes. And have done.
c) Yep.
d) If need be.
e) Oh yes.
f) Yes.
g) It would seem hypocritcal to say no.
h) I was 22 before I realized there were any other kind.
i) Every day.
j) Nope.
k) Yes, but very rarely in front of people.
15) I love to do it and haven't nearly enough.
16) Cats. But neither, really. If I have to take care of a living thing, it better at least be able to carry on a conversation.
17) C and D. Though I tend to be a little spicy for some people.
18) mostly deadpan, with a dash of boderline mean. But well intentioned, so it's okay.
19) Don't see why not. I can art anywhere.
20) I feel like I'm in another one of my Chuck Barris dreams. I'd pick you up, take you for a fancy dinner at that one restaurant that you always wanted to eat at but couldn't afford to, then a walk or a drive, depending on the weather, then... wait, do your parents read this?
21) I feel bad giving that kind of information out online. But let me know and I'll even toss in a fourth, just because.
22) No. Yes. Well, no. It should be expunged by now.
23) I know a little bit closer to one than the other, but you'd have to ask around to guess which is which.
24) Oh you know me: just another godless, out-of-touch, liberal egghead.
25) Um, how could you not? I'm great. Women always tell me so. "Caleb, you're such a great guy," they tell me, right after they're done talking to me about the guys they've decided to date instead of me. But you know what? Those guys all suck. I know they suck. If they didn't, their women wouldn't be complaining to me all the time. You don't have to make that mistake.
Hey, this was fun. I always like these "If distance/reality were not a factor" hypotheticals. You should make the next about leprechauns.
If you make the process this complicated, how do you expect anyone to date you?
Your father
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