Mother Lauren? I don't know about that...

I had an epiphany last night. I realized that I'm not just a spinster aunt, I actually have mothering tendencies. Now, I'm not talking like I want to have kids (anytime soon, maybe never) but I actually felt the urge to take care of the girls I took to the party. I was, as usual, the designated driver, carrying around my Mt. Dew. As I observed the social interactions of the party (hey, too many soc. classes will do that to you) I discovered that I wanted to make sure that my friends didn't do anything that they would regret. For instance, I tried to make sure that Stef, Rachel, Bryan, and Kristen didn't make out with anyone that they didn't really like. In many cases I succeeded, in a few I failed. Then I made sure that the girls got back to the dorm and into bed safely. And I felt as though I had accomplished something. It was strange to feel as though I made a difference when all I did was watch out for my friends. But it was still fun, despite the fact that the guy I like is really shy, and that I got hit on by a 25-year-old. Ah... college is grand.

I'm really REALLY happy that all of my friends are finally back. Even though I'm worried about some of them that are battling hard times, I'm glad that they're back here where I can see that they're all right. And (she added selfishly) I love chilling with them!

Tomorrow is the first day of classes for us, but I don't have any classes on Tuesday/Thursday, so I don't have any tomorrow. I actually sort of wish I had a class or two, just because I'd like to get a taste of what the semester will be like. Instead, I have to jump in with both feet on day two. Oh well, it should be exciting. And I get to practice running from building to building in the 10 minutes between classes.

And tonight is the first big night of Twain dining. Very exciting. Or not. Oh, well. At least there's Yo-Cream.

Cold and Bored...Ick

It's a Saturday night when we're not in classes yet, and so far I've ordered in pizza, worked, been for a walk, and watched a movie with Stef. Oh, and been called a jackal. What an exciting night, I'm telling you.

On the jackal thing, is it so wrong to want to make the new residents feel welcome? Caleb called me and Stef jackals for going around meeting the new residents that have moved in. We just wanted to make them feel welcome! Honestly, just because they happened to be attractive males, everyone thinks we have hidden motives.

In other news... oh, wait, there is no other news. I'm incredibly bored. It's cold and rainy, and there are no parties tonight, and I've run out of movies that I feel like watching. I'm actually considering curling up and reading, then going to bed at a reasonable hour. My life is sad.

More people should start arriving soon, and activities will start up on and off campus. That will lead to more things to do. Plus classes, which always fill life with so many interesting challenges. Sadly, I'm actually looking forward to Monday, when nearly everyone will be back and have to start getting ready for classes to start. It means that we'll have things to do again, instead of playing things from www.addictinggames.com and watching videos.

I hate cold, rainy weather. Cold weather I can handle, because you can walk in the cold to places, then just warm up when you get there. And cold often means snow, which leads to snowball fights and thick socks and hot chocolate. I don't mind rainy weather because it means puddle jumping and umbrellas. But weather that is both cold and rainy means that you never feel warm because the water holds in the cold, and you can't just warm up when you reach your destination. It makes me want to stay inside and there's nothing to do.

I have a great desire to hide somewhere and cry for no reason at all. I'm not even really sad. I just feel like crying. Man, I'm turning into a head case. I'm going to seek help in the form of caffeine. Go me.

Dreary Dorm

Ahh... another classless day at college. I didn't have to work today, so I got to sleep in REALLY late, then I got to chill with Stef for most of the afternoon, and also with Patrick and Zach, so it was a quite enjoyable experience. The only downside was that my roommate moved back in, which is never good. It's not that she's a bad person, she just has habits that REALLY annoy me. And she's very high-maintenance, which drives me nuts. And we don't really talk. But besides that, she's OK.

I realized today, however, that I haven't been kissed since June. This is a strange realization for me, because I hadn't noticed it sooner. I mean, I would think that after about three months I would have had some sort of epiphany that, oh my gosh, I haven't kissed someone in a quarter of a year. Or I would have had a revelation when someone else talked about making out with a guy, but no. Until today, I remained blissfully ignorant of my very-single status. So, though I don't find it to be a stigma or anything, I feel more spinsterish than usual today. I mean, Stef is single, but she has numerous prospects. And Sarah has a very good potential boy situation going on. I seem to be heading for another semester of singlehood. This is fine with me, but I do feel just a little left out.

As Stef said earlier, "We need men. We're playing Connect Four with each other on date night. We REALLY need men." I don't think it's men we need, it's really something to do. Anything. The boredom is overwhelming.

Cheating

I have a confession to make: I cheat. I know that it is wrong and bad and makes me really unattractive, but I can't help it. Sometimes I just want things so badly that I can't stop myself. Not to mention the peer pressure that others can exert. I have resolved to try harder, but I don't know if I can. After all, a girl can only do so much. From now on, I'll try harder to be faithful to my diet.

Ha! I fooled you, didn't I? I have never cheated in a relationship. Ever. But I do occasionally slip on my diet. I think from now on I'm going to adopt the idea that it is the quantity that is the problem in gaining weight, not actually what you eat. Besides, no matter how hard I try, I can't give up desserts completely. Life is just too short to miss out on the good stuff.

In the meantime, people have actually started coming back to the dorms, which makes me really happy. After all, I'm no longer by myself all the time. Stef and Zach keep me laughing, and Sarah and Chris and the rest of the gang will be here soon.

For now, I have 5 days before classes start for me (I got nothing on Tuesday!!!) so I'm going to start chillin' like a villain. Starting with some old school Mario Bros. in Wang's room. Awesome.

Stolen Stolen Stolen Quiz

LAST PERSON WHO...

[Slept in your bed] Me

[Saw you cry] Can't remember, it's been a long time since I let someone see me vulnerable

[Made you cry] Can't remember that either... it's usually more a bunch of events than one person

[Spent the night at your house] probably Amy from home...all about the girls' nights

[You went to the mall with] Rachel, because I was actually in Ohio

[Yelled at you] My grandfather, about politics

[Sent you an email]  Wang, about work...how sad is that?

[Said they were going to kill you] Me? I don't know. But probably me.

HAVE YOU EVER...

[Said "I love you" and meant it?] I love you, yes. I'm in love with you, no. It's complicated.

[Been to New York?] Yep. Twice.

[Been to Florida?] Twice, but both over 2 years ago.

[California?] Yup

[Hawaii?] I wish, I'd love to see the volcanoes!

[Mexico?] Nuh-uh.

[China?] Nope

[Canada?] Yeah...kinda fun place, but too cold.

[Danced naked?] Not fully naked, but you'd better believe in my underwear!

[Dreamed something really crazy and then it happens the next day?] Occasionally.

[Stalked someone?] Not yet... MWAHAHAHA!!!

[Had a mud bath?] Hmm... not the bath, but I got covered in it a lot as a kid.

[Wished you were the opposite sex?] Numerous times. In the end I always end up glad I'm female, though.

[Had an imaginary friend?] Nope...I was too busy getting dirty to worry about somebody invisible.

[Math or English?] English... math is my nemesis.

[What are you going to do after you finish this survey?] Sleep? Write? I never think that far ahead.

[What was the last food you ate?] Chicken Tenders at Eva's for dinner. I wish I had something better to say, like chocolate.

[Are you bored?] Definitely... there's no one here!!!

[Last time you went out of the state] Yesterday I was in 2 other states, the day before that 4. (Road trip!)

[Lucky number?] 13

[Things you like in a girl/guy?] Intelligence, sense of humor, faith, communication skills, and, let's face it, nice shoulders and eyes.

[Do you have a crush on someone] Perhaps oui, perhaps non. (I'm going for mystique here...work with me) But to be honest, yes.

[Do they know?] Quite possibly.

[Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?] Do I ever? No.

[What do you think of Ouija boards?] Hokey and fake...but fun all the same!

[What book are you reading now?] A Girl's Best Friend, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten, and Beowulf 

[Favorite magazine?] I have to pick ONE? Probably Marie Claire, with Cosmo and SI coming next.

[Favorite sound?] Laughter, closely followed by nearly all kinds of music.

[Worst feeling in the world?] Rejection (relationships, jobs, etc.)

[Do you like scary or exciting rollercoasters?] Rollercoasters are all both scary and exciting, which is why I love them so much!

[How many rings before you answer?] Ground line is usually 2. Cell takes longer because I have to find it.

[Future daughter's name?] Kids? KIDS? First I'm getting a dog. Then I might think about finding a husband. But kids are a long, LONG way off yet.

[Do you sleep with a stuffed animal?] Yep. Black bear named Howard.

[If you could have any job you wanted, what would it be?] Wide Receiver for the Denver Broncos.

[Are you a lefty, righty or ambidextrous?] Righty, but years of piano lessons are working on ambidextrous

[Do you type with your fingers on the right keys?] You better believe it... years of "Typing Tutor" and computer classes, plus it's faster this way!

[What's under your bed?] At home: who knows. At school: movies, boxes of clothes, pop, yarn and empty duffel bags.

[Favorite sport to watch] It's a toss up between Pro football and hockey.

[Did you have fun doing this] Sure. I'm in an empty college dorm and classes aren't in session, so I have nothing better to do!

The Toothbrush

I sit here crying
Watching you walk out the door
I gave you everything I had,
And still you wanted more.

You leave
With my shredded heart in your pocket
And the memories of our love
In the boxes shoved carelessly onto the elevator.

You press the down button and wait
Painful hesitation ensues, then the elevator rings
Fourth floor, you get in
And leave my life with the creak of the door.

Part of you remains
Your scent on the furniture,
A mismatched sock, a note on the refrigerator,
And your toothbrush.

Surely you'll come back for your toothbrush,
I think hopefully
But days pass and the toothbrush is still here
A monument to dead love.

The toothbrush gets pushed aside
Hidden by perfume and lotion
Replaced by new things, a new life
But, like the memory of you, not completely forgotten.

Then one day, I find it again.
It has been pushed far out of sight
And completely out of mind.
I look at it, then with a shrug
Toss it in the trash.
I have moved on.

Returning Triumphant?

So, the road trip was awesome. Note to self: take more long road trips on your own to see people you know. It's fun. I know it doesn't sound like it would be, but it is.

Buying textbooks at the beginning of the semester makes me want to cry. First of all, the books are EXTREMELY expensive, and there are always more of them than you expect. I can feel myself being gouged. In addition, I know, KNOW that I'll get less than 50% of what I'm paying now back when I sell them back at the end of the semester. And I know that they won't buy some of them back. And worse than that, I know that I'm going to have to try to make time to read ALL of those seemingly millions of books at the end of the semester. It's like losing all my time and money all in one moment, as I hand over my student ID to a bookstore employee who is snickering behind their hand as they hand me a receipt on which to sign my life away. *sigh* And it makes me feel as though I classes are going to start tomorrow, even though I don't actually have class until next Wednesday.

I am, however, mostly looking forward to this semester. I've got some good classes and some excellent professors. I'm a little scared of my class that involves math, but other than that it should be good. And in a week I get to change my major. Hooray! We also worked out our work schedule, and it means that I only work 3 days a week, so I get to relax on Monday and Friday.

It's so quiet around here when all the residents are gone. I almost don't know what to do with myself when no one is stopping by to say hi or running around being stressed about some paper. There aren't even strange noises coming out of the practice rooms. Weird. Very weird.

I'm off to find something to do in this near-solitary confinement. Later.