Learning Vacation

When I was a student, I was under the impression that vacation was a natural habit. You took a break, went somewhere, and didn't work for a bit (a weekend, a few days, a week... however long your "vacation" was). But as a pastor, I'm discovering that vacationing is much more complicated than I originally thought.

When I was in school, there were defined breaks. It was simple, for instance, to relax and let things go during the summer and over Christmas, when I was between semesters and there were no assignments hanging over my head. It was even relatively simple to let go over Thanksgiving and Spring Break because, let's face it, no one expected you to be working during those times. All of my friends would be traveling, my professors understood that it was a time for relaxation and travel, so even though there might be lingering assignments, I didn't feel any compulsion to work on them.

But as a pastor, the work never stops. Ever. So, though I was officially on vacation and even out of town, the work chased me. Apparently, the IRS doesn't accept "vacation" as a reason to turn in my quarterly taxes late, so I spent several hours of my vacation trying to figure out their forms. And my e-mail "out of office" system decided not to work, so people continued to e-mail me and expect quick responses, while I couldn't even access my e-mail properly. So I ended up spending several more hours on the phone with people at the church and hammering out replies to e-mails at the beginning of my vacation.

By Wednesday of my "vacation" it was driving me crazy. I couldn't believe that, despite notifying my committee chairpersons and the other people on staff that I was leaving, and despite traveling several states away, I still felt all the stress and obligation of work sitting squarely on my shoulders. That was when I cut myself off. I sent one more round of e-mails, then refused to do any more work. I didn't check e-mail, I didn't call the church, and I tried as hard as I could not to think about the projects still hanging over my head. On Wednesday evening I finally took a deep breath. I began to work on vacation as a discipline, a way of clearing my head and easing my tense muscles. On Thursday, I didn't think about work at all, I got together with about ten different friends, and I had a heart-to-heart with a friend about how I could work to "get a life" while still getting my work done. Friday was a day of brunch, coffee, Rock Band, and my favorite Thai food. Saturday brought visits with family, and adventures in the kitchen with my aunt. Each day the temptation was there to check my e-mail or call in to the church, to worry about the big projects coming up in the next few months. It required focus to let those thoughts pass through my consciousness without dwelling on them.

I still don't have the discipline completely figured out yet. I didn't manage to let the work go completely, and as I was falling asleep each night I could feel a bit of the worry stealing over me. But some of the tension eased, and I'll be going back to work this week with a lighter heart and more energy. I just need to find more opportunities to practice the discipline of vacationing.