Challenge

I'm taking on a tremendous challenge this summer: working as a chaplain intern at a hospital. I've been assigned a few floors in which to visit and care for patients' spiritual needs, but in addition, I have to do night and weekend duties. The night and weekend duties involve very long shifts during which I am the only chaplain in the hospital. When I'm on duty, I will have to respond to all cases of cardiac arrest and all deaths in the hospital to care for patients, family members, and staff. I'll admit right now that I'm terrified of the first time I get called to care for grieving family members in the middle of the night. I think my instincts will kick in and I'll figure out what to do, but it's still frightening to think about. I'm just thankful for the preparation I got through my hospital chaplain experience over the last school year. At least I now have some level of confidence when I walk into patients' rooms.

The nice thing about doing this chaplaincy internship, though, is that the time when I'm away from the hospital is truly free. I don't really have papers or assignments, and those I have I can do while at the hospital. Unlike working for ASP, there are set hours and when they're over, I leave with no responsibilities hanging over my head. It's a lifestyle I'm not really accustomed to since I've been a student for the last 18 years. I really like coming back to my apartment and knowing that the evening is mine to spend as I please, whether that's hanging out with friends, reading, watching movies, or going to bed really early.

Busy...

Please pardon the very long gap between posts... I've been busy taking advantage of the short break between school and summer work by traveling all over the place. I'm on my third state and time zone in the last 3 weeks, so it has been a bit difficult to post. However, there will be full updates on all of this stuff forthcoming. A few posts to look forward to: hometown folks, fun in the pacific northwest, and changing thoughts on small children. So, now that your curiosity is piqued, you can count on updates a few days from now when I'm back at my usual location.

Unconnected Dots

I love black jelly beans, but I don't like licorice. I like ketchup, marinara sauce, and tomato soup, but I dislike fresh tomatoes. I don't know why. Maybe I'm an artificial flavoring junkie.

I'm an extremely word-oriented person. I watch movies mostly for the dialogue and listen to music mostly for the lyrics. I love playing with words, phrases, and imagery. I like writing and reading. At the same time, I constantly find language to be inadequate for capturing reality and truly expressing myself. It's exasperating.

Why do cities think that putting a big metal slab over the pavement where there's a pothole is a solution? Hint for the street maintenance people: it doesn't work. Sorry.

In the fair city where I live, all the streets in a given area have the same name with teeny differences. For example, in an area where the main road is Rosedale St., the smaller branches and crossroads will be Rosedale Dr., Rosedale Ln., Rosedale Park Ln., Rosedale Circle, East Rosedale St., Rosedale Ct., etc. Seriously, there are tons of words and potential road names. Get creative! Increase diversity! But mostly, please be less redundant and confusing!!!

I really enjoy songs that have random lists of things as lyrics. My favorites at the moment are "Ball of Confusion" by the Temptations, "We Didn't Start the Fire" by Billy Joel, and "La Vie Boheme" from RENT. This may be another manifestation of my love for words, I'm not sure.

Reality Check, or a Rant on my Hatred for Abstract Thought

I can't do abstract thought. There are philosophers and theologians whose ideas and arguments are based in thought so abstract and intangible that I cannot begin to conceive it. I'm sure that their ideas are valuable, I'm sure they're extremely intelligent and well-argued. However, their ideas are so far removed from reality, people, and life that I have no framework for conceiving of them. For example, Karl Barth's main argument, so far as I can tell, is that God is the ultimate unknown, that which we cannot know, and Christ came merely as an arrow that lets humanity know that God is unknowable.

I am a practical person. I love studying the way people and societies interact, I adore history, sociology and psychology. It's not that I insist on concrete ideas, I'm fine with mystery and ambiguity, but I need to be able to relate those things to some form of reality. If there is no basis in reality, what is the purpose of devoting time and energy to thinking about it, anyway? I am grounded in reality, in society, in time and history, in identity. No matter how hard I try, I can't imagine absolute void, I can't conceive of that which is wholly other, and I have no framework for thinking about that which is completely unknown. Furthermore, how is it helpful for people to spend time and energy attempting to contemplate things that are wholly unconnected with reality and life? How does thinking about God as "that which is unknown" help ministers to preach or provide pastoral care? How does that help Christians relate to the deity or grow in their faith?

I have trouble finding the value in ideas and studies that are disconnected from life. To me, what's most important is how we live and how we relate to others and God. I'm most interested in studying people, life, reality, and how those things shape our understandings of God. Maybe I'm too steeped in experience, maybe I'm too human-centered or don't have high enough Christology. But if I have no experience of something, if I cannot even relate it to something that occurs in the world, how can I have any understanding of it? Anything that has no connection with reality is a play of the imagination. And, don't get me wrong, I love using my imagination, but this is not how I choose to use it, and I have trouble playing logic games in the realm of imagination.

This problem with abstract thought occasionally makes me discouraged about my education and future career. I know that I need to be able to understand and explain some pretty abstract concepts. I am constantly told that they're important and valuable. But I'm more of a practical theologian. My gifts are in sociology more than philosophy. And I hope, with God's help, that'll be enough.

I'm a Geek

You’re St. Justin Martyr! You have a positive and hopeful attitude toward the world. You think that nature, history, and even the pagan philosophers were often guided by God in preparation for the Advent of the Christ. You find “seeds of the Word” in unexpected places. You’re patient and willing to explain the faith to unbelievers. Find out which Church Father you are at The Way of the Fathers!

I'd like to know which church father I would've been if I'd hit the co-worker with a mallet and questioned his masculinity...

Please share your results in the comments section of this post!

I'm Just Saying...

I want to write an entry about wisdom, my desire for it, and my lack thereof. I want to talk about all the truly wise people I have met and how their gifts go far beyond just knowledge.

I also want to introduce the inspirational people in one of my small classes and tell you not only about the diversity of the group, but also about the wonderful blessing that each person has been on my life this year.

I'd like to tell you about my excitement for the end of the semester and my incredible dread of my summer activities that will include not only paying to work full time, but also business attire and pantyhose, which make me cringe at just the thought of it.

I want to describe the absolute insanity of the pollen in this city in the springtime, but the way it is counteracted by the profusion of gorgeous flowers.

I could tell you about my recent visits with friends, or the craziness of studying with classmates for five hours over a beer and a pizza, or my frustration with the lack of straight single men in my world at the moment.

I'd even like to share with you about the ridiculous amount of stuff I'm facing in the current 2-week period, including 3 tests, a paper, the deadline for my research, 2 special worship services, registration, and the preparatory stuff for my summer work.

I'd like to tell you about all that, but I'm simply too tired. I have no more brainpower left for explaining this to you, so instead I'll apologize for this short, content-less interruption of your day and promise to someday share all that. In the meantime, my pillow is calling.

Broken Cup

P: "It's all too much. War and violence wreak havoc all over the world. Every day people die of starvation and disease. In every community groups are oppressed and persecuted because they are different. We have better communication technology than any other time in history, yet people still live in loneliness and isolation. Every single person I meet is broken and wounded. Surrounded by so much pain, I am paralyzed. I'm empty. I have nothing to give. What can I do?"

C: "Maybe we're just snake oil salesmen peddling hope. We don't know if it'll work, but it's all we have to give."

P: "What if I don't even have that? What if I'm lost in the desert with nothing left to survive on, much less share?"

C: "Then put one foot in front of the other, one step at a time, until you get out. And maybe, just maybe, there will be manna along the way."